5 Must-Ask Questions Before You Start Couples Therapy

Feeling Ready to Start Couples Therapy?

You’ve researched a few couples counselors and scheduled your first phone call — but now what?
Many couples wonder what to ask during that first conversation or how to choose between therapists. The right questions can help you feel confident, informed, and hopeful about beginning couples therapy.

This guide walks you through five essential questions to ask before starting couples therapy and what to listen for in each answer.

Prep Work Before the Call

Before you talk to a potential counselor, take a few minutes to reflect on what you need.
Ask yourself:

• What are my expectations for couples counseling?

• What do I hope will change in our relationship?

• What kind of counselor do I connect with best — calm, structured, or direct?

Remember: couples therapy happens in the context of a relationship.
Your counselor’s style and personality matter. Trust your gut — notice if you feel safe, heard, and understood during that first conversation.

1. What Method or Approach Do You Use?

Every skilled couples counselor uses a framework or methodology to guide the process.
You might hear terms like:

• Gottman Method

• Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT)

• Imago Relationship Therapy

• Developmental Couples Therapy

• Cognitive-Behavioral Couples Therapy

Ask your therapist to explain their approach in simple terms. A clear answer shows that they follow a structured, evidence-based roadmap — not a “make it up as we go” approach.
If they describe their style as “eclectic,” make sure they can still explain the logic behind it.

2. What Happens During a Typical Session?

Couples therapy should feel organized, not chaotic.
Ask your counselor:

• How do sessions usually start and end?

• How do you make sure both partners feel heard?

• What’s your role during a session?

A vague response (“It depends”) may indicate a lack of structure.
A confident counselor can describe what sessions look like while still leaving room for flexibility.

3. How Do You Measure Progress?

Effective therapy has visible signs of growth — improved communication, emotional safety, and teamwork.
Ask your therapist:

• How do you track progress for couples?

• What does change typically look like over time?

• What happens when couples feel stuck?

An experienced counselor should be able to describe how most couples move from distress to connection and what tools they use to help you get there.

4. Do You Have Experience With Our Specific Issue?

Every couple is unique, but some issues require specialized experience — like infidelity, trauma, neurodiversity, or addiction.
Ask directly about your situation:

• Have you worked with couples facing [your issue]?

• What training or certifications do you have in this area?

Specific, confident answers indicate true expertise.
If you hear a simple “Yes, I do” without details, ask for examples of how they typically work with that issue.

5. How Long Does Couples Therapy Usually Take?

Couples therapy isn’t endless. Most counselors can describe a general timeline — how long it takes to see change, and what the beginning, middle, and end phases look like.
While every couple’s journey differs, you should expect to see progress within the first few sessions.

After the Call: Reflect

Once your phone consultation ends, check in with yourself:

• Did I feel respected and understood?

• Did the counselor explain things clearly?

• Did I feel hopeful about our next steps?

• Did I notice any defensiveness, vagueness, or lack of transparency?

A good couples counselor is open, confident, and genuinely curious about your relationship.
You should walk away feeling heard, informed, and hopeful — not confused or uneasy.

Final Thoughts

Starting couples therapy can feel overwhelming, but asking the right questions helps you find the right fit.
Listen to both the answers and your intuition — the right connection can make all the difference in your relationship’s healing journey.

If you’d like more ideas, check out: “20 Questions for a Couples Therapist.”

Questions about couples counseling, email me at tmatyukhin@tmatmcs.com